YEAHHHHHHH, its alive ! Changed all the relays under the dash, tried it again, nothing, just cranked as usual. Put the dash lower back together and went to change the 2 remaining relays under the ECU, the 2no 404 relays to the engine end, I noted that they fitted the other way up to each other, one had three spades to the bottom , the other they went to the top.
Ok, so now sat back in the car with my brand new shiny Autophixx 7610 OBD2 reader, then had to get back out to reach under to plug it in ! Now back in the car and set the scanner to scan, the right column started coming up with fail on everything, before realising the ignition was still turned off.
Ignition turned on and could hear a faint wooshing and a click, sat there listening for it again and could hear a faint clicking. Tried the scanner again and it worked great, and said there were no faults. I turned the key in anticipation, over it spun, a slight cough, and another and finally it caught and fired up.
Not sure if I cold be more pleased with myself to be honest.
So to recap, all relays changed but the two end ones under the ECU, engine end, 404 on the earlier photo, were the ones that made the difference, until these were changed there were no sounds of the fuel pump priming in the cabin.
Massive thanks to all who helped and offered advice and took the time to read this. Hope this thread helps others out in the future.