When in D while stoped there should be no oil churning around in the gearbox as when your stopped none of the shafts in the gearbox will be turning, when in N it is possible for an input shaft to be turning but that depends on what happens to the clutch when stopped and after looking through...
I guess the best way to find out is when your stopped with the brakes on and in drive flick it into neutral, if the engine tone changes or there is a blip in the revs then there has been drag when you were in drive.
Not saying this is conclusive proof and personally I tend to agree with Ron...
If the car has stop start it does not matter if you leave the car in drive when stopped as the engine will be stopped but if you do not have stop start I would put the car in neutral if i'm stopped for any length of time. When your stopped and the engine is running the clutch is trying to engage...
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