50 Shades of RS3 – An alternative story for the RS3 challenge.

MBK

Registered User
What follows is a work of fiction, based on an almost true story, the inspiration for this was stolen from Rs3kel’s brief but to the point entry to the RS3 challenge. Please remember this is a story about one man and his car, any double entendre you read into this thread is entirely the product of your over active imagination and frankly filthy mind. Any resemblance to those living or dead is entirely intentional. All pictures remain the property of the owners with all rights acknowledged. I hope you enjoy the tale, for the hard of humour please flick your comedy switch on or change channels now. Please feel free to add your additions to this story.

50 Shades of RS3 - a tale of automotive obsession

I only went out to buy a shed.

My name is Christian Suzuka-Grey, business magnate and owner of an RS3. This is the story of how a chance meeting with ‘Anastasia’ a red Audi RS3 was to change my life for ever. The Maestro Turbo had served me well but was starting to look her age in front of my small and bijou house, it’s not much but I call it home. I hope you will all heed this warning and learn from my story of woe from becoming entangled with such a beguiling mistress.

2MontegoTurbo.jpg


I was on my way to the airport to take a flight to view a car. I’d seen something subtle and sophisticated that suited my personality perfectly.

1Modified.jpg


Chapter 1 - A Chance Encounter

As I cruised past the huge glass window of the Audi dealer in the Maestro I felt my manhood stiffen as I set eyes on her for the first time.

3audi_dealership_1.jpg


I strode with confidence into the dealer. There she was and I knew I had to have her now, right now.

4RS3rear.jpg


Her sleeker sister sat beside her and she clearly had the better TiTties but I wasn’t interested. I know the uglier one always goes and tries harder.

5TTRS.jpg


The saleswoman approached. I felt the frisson of excitement run over me. Soon she’d be mine and I‘d be inside her fresh virginal body for the first time. I fumbled with her at first, my finger slipping across and pressing her slippery silver button. The key shot out at the same speed as my rising heart rate. I eventually stumbled across the the right place to press and with a little light pressure she finally opened up for me. Soon I’d be inside; the excitement was almost too much.

audi-key-black.jpg


To the sales woman’s surprise I entered her through the back door. The leather gave a final squeak of resistance as I eased in. The gap between her two ample buckets was tight but I pushed through. I wanted her to know who the driver was and that she’d been dominated from the start.

rear.jpg


Chapter 2 Our first ride:

Sbutton.jpg


I knew which button to push as I moved my stubby shaft all the way back. Her muffled murmurs became a glorious guttural roar of delight. She placed her hand on my bulbous head and firmly moved my stubby shaft back and fore in her hand. Her actions were almost automatic. Slow down I pleaded, as the speed and friction increased. I’d been having trouble with my launch control lately and didn’t want to arrive prematurely.

Knob.jpg


I gently fingered her rim, tugging and tweaking in a smooth rhythm. I quickly brought her to a massive apex. She may not be the prettiest but she’s a flat bottomed girl and flat bottom girls they make the rockin’ world go round.

Interior2.jpg


Chapter 3 - In deeper

Once I got her home I explored every inch of her inserting my foamy lance into her all her filthy crevices.

Foamy.jpg


My fingers struggled to find purchase on her bonnet, smooth and waxed to perfection.

bonnet.jpg


"Kiss my rings" she demanded. How could I refuse? :kissmyrings:

Rings.jpg


My only decision was which pipe to take? Choices choices? A chance to polish the dirty pipe once more? Rude not to.

Cleananddirty.jpg


She'd been a good girl so I strapped her down and thrashed her within an inch of her life.

audirs3dyno.jpg


Hurt me she screamed! So I put the Chris Harris M135i review on repeat loop and went to the pub.


Chapter 4 - The Affair

That was the day things started to go wrong. I have to admit to something of a roving eye and things were going so well until one day she caught me looking at other gorgeous models. First there was an incident with an R8. I couldn't Help thinking how much I'd like to split her flange.

R8.jpg


Then she caught me, my gaze lingering too long on this shaven haven, a waxed clean and unadorned bottom does it for some. Apparently this one likes the experienced touch of the older gentleman.

debadged.jpg


Things really went wrong when she caught me doing some late night research, which some apparently call left handed surfing, on this detailing thread. How could I even look at another RS3? Was she not enough for me?

bluedetail.jpg


She gave me a final warning which I failed to heed. One day while visiting bluey for an afternoon ride there was an unexpected knock at the door. "Quickly, my owner" she said breathlessly, "use the backdoor". Really I should have run but that's not an offer you get everyday.

Chapter 5 - The Revenge

The next time we rode hard and fast she smashed my shaft. I was spent there was nothing more I could do to satisfy her. With an evil laugh she extracted her love balls from my broken member and continued to pleasure herself.

loveballs.jpg


To get her revenge she wanted some black action. She was so disappointed to find it was all a myth and the looks hid a tiny 4 pot. No match for my throbbing pulsing 5 and she soon came home to me.

Fakey.jpg


To teach her a lesson I spanked her hard and put her away wet.

dirtyrear.jpg


Despite this things were never really right between us and on my next business trip away she met a loaded wrapper who could give her everything she wanted. After a nip and tuck the last time I saw her I hardly recognised her.

Gold.jpg


If only I realised what I'd got when I had it. Gentlemen RS3 owners I hope you will heed my tale and realise what a fine beauty of a car you have.

Probably to be discontinued...
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Kohaku

Registered User
It's a Masterpiece,and I've only read half of it.

........... Yes, I think you will be censored.lol

untapped talent for sure.
 

CarrG

Registered User
Mark your a genius! Fantastic :yes:
 

Mr_Freeze

Registered User
Nice work Mark,

i may have to take mine out and give it a good thrashing!
 
Last edited:

MBK

Registered User
It's a Masterpiece,and I've only read half of it.

........... Yes, I think you will be censored.lol

untapped talent for sure.

Hopefully I've written it with no swearing or overt statements, all the meaning is in your own mind! He he he. Couldn't resist hope it stays up, happy to reword or remove anything deemed across the line!
 

robbiemac

'S' Button engaged....
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........... take a bow son
 

elton121272

Registered User
A fantastic read....still PMSL at some of those innuendos ;-)
 

MBK

Registered User
The back door was a high point for me... oh that sounded wrong...

klauster, just for you a special extra section from the directors cut version of the book:

I was pleasantly surprised when she brought a friend home for a three way. Unfortunately she was a right triple bagger and normally I'd have said flatly no. Then she whispered to me that she only ever liked to be driven from the rear. I relented and sighed to myself who looks at the fireplace when they are stoking the fire. She left with a slight tramp to match those gammy eyes.

BMW-M135i-front.jpg


If it's any consolation just googling this image make me feel wrong.
 

Sandra

Administrator
Staff member
Administrator
Audi Main Dealer
Platinum Supporter
What can I say Mark, that was just so funny, not quite as good as the other RS3 challenge article (watch out for it in the magazine) the other guys in here need to get there articles written soon, yours will take some beating though, so come on guys, get writing, and no excuses, lol. :) x
 

MBK

Registered User
What can I say Mark, that was just so funny, not quite as good as the other RS3 challenge article (watch out for it in the magazine) the other guys in here need to get there articles written soon, yours will take some beating though, so come on guys, get writing, and no excuses, lol. :) x

Thanks Sandra and as with others I think you too deserve your own 'directors cut' addition.

BOSE.png


The Bose stereo often accompanied our sweet music but after one encounter I was reminded that Anastasia was just a young girl. Sandra, a girl I met on the internet (though her reputation is beyond repute), showed me just how my saxophone should be played, her timely blowing and rhythmic fingers soon helping me reach a huge crescendo. Alone she was much better than a Symphony.

After than day I had little choice but to upgrade to a Bang & Oulfsen. Just thinking of those few moments still makes me 'pop up' now.

NV_2009-Audi-Q7-Bang-Olufsen.jpg


(If I'm never seen again chaps, send help, lol!)
 

Sandra

Administrator
Staff member
Administrator
Audi Main Dealer
Platinum Supporter
Thanks Sandra and as with others I think you too deserve your own 'directors cut' addition.

BOSE.png


The Bose stereo often accompanied our sweet music but after one encounter I was reminded that Anastasia was just a young girl. Sandra, a girl I met on the internet (though her reputation is beyond repute), showed me just how my saxophone should be played, her timely blowing and rhythmic fingers soon helping me reach a huge crescendo. Alone she was much better than a Symphony.

After than day I had little choice but to upgrade to a Bang & Oulfsen. Just thinking of those few moments still makes me 'pop up' now.

NV_2009-Audi-Q7-Bang-Olufsen.jpg


(If I'm never seen again chaps, send help, lol!)

Lmao Mark, thank you for my very own directors cut. :) x
 
Top