ASN's Pub

[crazy88]

Women.....they should not be tasked with fuelling cars!

 

[S3Alex]

Women.....they should not be tasked with fuelling cars!

I can say this safely here,but my wife has run the DS3 dry twice,despite the car's computer basically begging for fuel until it conked out.

Mine however is very well fed,on a diet of the best V-Power and water/meth,and leads a very sheltered and happy life....LOL.

 

[crazy88]

I just don't get the logic of women! My sisters friend used to drive everywhere super fast when she was low of fuel to get to the petrol station faster, so she wouldn't run out!

 

[XFi]

This month is going to be a killer for me, car is in for a cambelt change, haldex service, brake fluid service, oil server, air-con service and a boost leak check. Topped off with a years worth of car tax and having to replace the HPFP... I could have gone for a standard replacement but I'm planning for Stage 2+ so opted for the Loba pump. So much for saving for a house!

 

[ScottD3]

That's not a good month at all.
Could leave some things till next month?

I don't understand women, I've given up trying. I just smile, wave and tend to agree with them.
It seems to work so far.


Found out our German shepherd x Collie howls at the air raid siren from the dock yard. Its brilliant.

 

[Westy]

Last day in the S3 got to put more fuel in for the way home too! £60 has given me 270 miles of a-road and dual carriageway driving.

 

[ScottD3]

Time for a diesel.


I'm off to buy some pulleys and rope.

 

[crazy88]

I don't think that's too bad mate. I'm getting 250 from a full tank on mine, but it's a lot of stop start etc.

Make your last day a good one at least! Go destroy some gay cars.

 

[Westy]

I don't think that's too bad mate. I'm getting 250 from a full tank on mine, but it's a lot of stop start etc.

Make your last day a good one at least! Go destroy some gay cars.

Destroyed an R32 on the way home last night. Had a scoob behind me 5 miles from home too but it was too busy to duel.

 

[crazy88]

Ah nice! It's a shame to see an r32 fall though, they're a lovely car. You can destroy as many scooby's as you like, but be nice to the r32!

 

[Westy]

Ah nice! It's a shame to see an r32 fall though, they're a lovely car. You can destroy as many scooby's as you like, but be nice to the r32!

I feel sorry for the R32 driver when he races as he tends to use more fuel then me lol.

 

[crazy88]

My mate has an older 4motion golf, he gets terrible fuel consumption. A full tank of fuel, nearly 200 miles and he's just above empty. Very short journeys, but it easily drops to single figures mpg.

 

[Westy]

My mate has an older 4motion golf, he gets terrible fuel consumption. A full tank of fuel, nearly 200 miles and he's just above empty. Very short journeys, but it easily drops to single figures mpg.

That doesn't sound good. Theres a fairly big real world difference between most of the Audi FWD and Quattro models but that sounds like something is wrong.

 

[crazy88]

I dunno, it's new to him so he probably has a heavy foot and it's short journeys he does. Plus, it's very hilly where we are, so I imagine that won't help.

I don't care though, my a4 is more efficient and faster. we raced the other week, I was so chuffed I beat him.

 

[Westy]

When I've looked at dervs I've been trying to sway towards the more economical FWD models but then I drive my S3 in the rain and think "I must have Quattro" it's just so good.

 

[crazy88]

I love my quattro, it's so much more fun than the fwd.

If you get this new local job, will you still need a derv, or keep the s3 on the road?

 

[Westy]

I love my quattro, it's so much more fun than the fwd.

If you get this new local job, will you still need a derv, or keep the s3 on the road?

S3 on the road. I don't think that job is available! I've not heard back but when I checked the advert online again it had gone so maybe it was an old ad!

 

[s3dave]

Time for a diesel.


I'm off to buy some pulleys and rope.

Caught another down the wrong turn road...

 

[16Klappe]

Bah, pictures won't work.

Basically, I've been in Sweden, where I met Petter Solberg, and drove a load of his cars, did a stage on the Swedish WRC and rode snowmobiles.

Petter Solberg's 500bhp Volvo 240T runs a...

 

[Westy]

Cool story bro!

Do you honestly expect anybody to read all that?! Longest post ever.

Oh and sort out your pics.

 

[Westy]

Cool story bro!

Do you honestly expect anybody to read all that?! Longest post ever.

Oh and sort out your pics.

****** you change it all

 

[16Klappe]

Haha, basically!

I copy and pasted it, and none of the pictures worked...It made me sad

 

[jojo]

Lol, talk about cutting a long story short. The end bit of the slab of text highlights your inferior driving skills Jards!

 

[16Klappe]

Lol, talk about cutting a long story short. The end bit of the slab of text highlights your inferior driving skills Jards!

I know, it was so **** haha. The actual story is really immense, but I just CBA to copy all the pictures again.

I was ****ing epic.

Then I crashed his Ford Focus into a 5 foot snow drift and had the entire ice lake shut whilst they bought a tractor onto the ice lake to fish me out.

I couldn't even open the doors ***.

 

[Westy]

I was ****ing epic.

Then I crashed his Ford Focus into a 5 foot snow drift and had the entire ice lake shut whilst they bought a tractor onto the ice lake to fish me out.

Those two things don't go together!

You mean you were unable to slay a snow drift

 

[ScottD3]

I got no idea who that bloke is.

I'd love a go on a snow mobile though.

 

[16Klappe]

Right!

Norway/Sweden.

Left Terminal 5.

It was wet and miserable. And really early.

There was a f**k load of turbulance, and the plane had to go low and slow because it was pretty violent.

Coming into Norway (Oslo) it was fecking freezing!!!!

-10* all the time.

Oslo has a heated runway, which is cool.

What is even cooler is the constant stream of lorries clearing the run ways, and how the country operates in these conditions. Which would paralyze the entire country if it was that cold over here!

f**king Norway!!!

So Lee and I had arrived, it was so cold the machine in the car park had stopped working. So the other guys all bundled into horrible mini busses. 8 in each.

Lee and I weren't going to sit by and let our guides load all the bags whilst everyone sat in the warm vans. So we helped them.

Our reward for this...A Volvo XC90 with heated leather seats for the duration of our trip. Get in!!!

Conditions were umm...Challenging?

As we made our way across Norway it was apparent that this country was insane. We were smashing along the equivalent of A roads at 100Kms, in two inches of compacted snow without a single sign of traffic or collision.

In Norway it is illegal to drive a car without winter tyres for almost 6 months of the year, then in "warm" seasons the tires are collected and the drive is resupplied with their summer tires. So the authorities store and rotate two sets of tires for every driver. Cool huh?

The houses in Norway are weird, but rather cool. They are ALL wooden built once you leave Oslo. They all have to use regulation insulation, and are all built to the tightest of standards. Inside, they are beautiful.

We travelled across Norway with an end goal of Torsby, in Sweden. It is part of Varmland country, and is west central Sweden.

Torsby is incredible!

We arrived at our hotel, to a warm welcome and some local food.

We settled into the hotel, got our stuff in our rooms and kicked back in the lodge.

We waited until night time, because thats when you can have fun.

Sunday afternoon we got our first taste of ice driving.

I had left my european charger at home, so this is the last picture I took of the night.

A small group of us received an hour or so's tuition in M3's, a Porsche 911 and a Subaru Imprezza. It was amazing fun!!! Driving around frozen lakes, rally stages and small holdings. Oh, and my aforementioned run in with a very kind gentleman who taught me how to drive a Subaru Impreza properly by unsettling the car and twitching away from corners to unsettle the weight and motion of the car, then pointing the steering wheel at the apex and giving full power. But at the time...I didn't know he was.

The rest of the group went off to a motor museum in Torsby town. We joined them later on.

By this point my phone was charged, so after changing at the lodge we set into Torsby with Petter's PA and headed to his own personal car collection.

Again, at this point Lee and I were entirely unaware of what we were walking into...

We opened the small door to a little industrial unit in a fairly low key estate in Torsby town. We were told, this place wasn't open to the public and only friends were allowed in.

Now when being invited to see somebody's "personal" car collection in Sweden, you'd expect a couple of Volvo's in a shed.

Impressive.

We were talked through these cars, what they were, when they were rallied etc. All of which I knew, but it was fascinating hearing this person be so passionate about them.

They were all open, with the keys in them.

As we got to this car, the Subaru next to it was uncovered.

"First one in the world" we were told. "We build this car first."

I asked, "how much did that cost! Wow, you must really love Subaru's!"

"This was free. I don't pay."

"Oh?"

"Subaru give us this car when we win 2003 world rally championship."

f**k.

It transpires, this incredible car collection, tucked into a little industrial unit somewhere out the way in Sweden, and the person teaching me how to drive, who I'd just rugby tackled into a snow drift is in fact Petter Solberg.

Unbelievable. So he took a couple of pictures of me with his cars.

I asked him for a "selfie" with him, but to be honest. He didn't really care for one.

Instead, he took pictures of me with his 2003 winning Impreza and signed everything I had on me. Including my phone.

 

[16Klappe]

THIS was my favorite car though.

Prawn will like this picture.

We went to the bar, all got **** faced and woke up at 5:30 the next morning.

****! Snow. Lots of f**king snow!

Snow, is not good when you are going ice racing. What you want, is ice.

So, a warm bowl of Swedish Museli.

And off we went, to probably the most famous test and training facility in the world of WRC. Anttila!!!!

A couple of cars were bought up there for me to drive.

After some messing about, the rest of the group went off for some snowmobiling whilst we went ice racing!

Actual leg of the Swedish rally. Uhhuh...

Lee, bless him. Decided he was going to wear trackie bottoms, trainers and tucked in socks. It was -18...

This is Leezo, on a 90m deep frozen lake. That's f**king massive. In trackie bottoms. What. A. Legend.

Off we went then, in my new favorite car in the world ever. An M3 converted E36 compact ice race car.

Don't let the blandness of it put you off, or the **** wheels. This is a full on 100 grand+ race car.

M3 ice racer - YouTube

This, was by far my favorite car ever. INSANE. I love it, I want one. I'm buying one.

I went for the Scoobaroo, which only had winter tires on it...Not race tires.

This was maybe an error. It was quick as f**k, 4WD and very well built. It was also very tail happy haha.

Leezo swapping out of the M3 after some stonking laps.

As you can see by the snow build up, around the wheel arches. We were racing in TERRIBLE conditions.

Light was fading fast, not due to time of day, but the amount of snow fall. And there was so much snow it was almost impossible to see the cut in the ice/where the snow track had been cleared. And if you came off, you'd be in 5 feet of snow and waiting for the ice to be cleared so a 5 ton tractor could come and dig you out. So nobody wanted to crash.

Now, this will sound terrible. But up until this point, I was f**king awesome. I was so good at it, that the instructors asked me if I would like to come back with them to help on the trips next year. Things were good! And in my mind, I'd found something that I wanted to do. I'd been planning on buying rally cars all day.

However, inevitably. I had a rather large crash.

All day I'd been driving a 400bhp Subaru, and a 340bhp Maf-less M3 compact. So you'd think, getting into a 1.6 Zetec Ford Focus race car it would be a walk in the park? After all, it had 5000Kr per corner ice racing tires on it, and I'm all about FWD. Right?

Denied.

I got in the car, stalled it immediately. Everyone laughed.

I spun it on the first corner.

Went round the second corner at 40kmh.

And crashed it hugely on the third.

Tits.

Lake closed, sat in a Focus burried 4/5feet deep in snow so I couldn't open the door.

The lake was closed, all cars pulled off and the tractor came on to get me.

We pulled the focus out, cleaned the hard packed snow out of the engine bay, steering arms etc etc. Then whilst I did that everybody got on for the last half hour.

EVERYONE hated me because they'd come all that way, and I'd lost them loads of laps. I was pretty suicidal.

So I drove back up a leg of the Swedish WRC, which is beautifully prepared for the coming weeks when the WRC descends on Sweden.

I was sad, I'd made a total tit of myself, damaged the car and I only had myself to blame.

So naturally, I blamed it on a sticking throttle stopping me from getting the weight to the front wheels. This was a good idea I thought.

It clearly wasn't a sticking throttle, and my race drivers excuse lost me multiple man points. So I just claimed I saw a bear run out in front of me and I swerved to avoid it.

Which is exactly what Ken Block said when he wrote off his Fiesta at Antilla lake.

f**king bear.

Having disgraced myself, and made a total **** of myself. I decided to eat some Moose Lasagna (which was amazing)and then go f**k about on Snowmobiles with Lee.

This was fun!

Snowbiking - YouTube

It was getting late and we needed to get back to Oslo.

So we packed up, said our thank yours and goodbyes, exchanged numbers with multiple international stars and parted company.

 

[16Klappe]

We stayed in the Grand Hotel in Oslo, which is where the winner of the Nobel peace prize always stays. Posh as f**k.

They have beer fountains available on the roof, above the tables. So you can get **** faced quite quickly.

We drank.

Lots.

It's illegal to be publically drunk in Norway, and it's illegal to order a double. We soon took care of that.

We staggered out of the Restaurant at 1AM.

We staggered out of Andy's Piano bar at 2:30 when they closed.

We decided to go ice skating in -12 at 3AM.

We found a very dodgy bar which was open at half 3.

About quarter to 5, a lad called Jack and I were the only people left standing.

So we took a selfie outside a 6000Kr per night hotel, abused the Consiage when he tried to refuse us entry. Then ran back to our rooms for 3 hours sleep.

When I woke up in the morning (fully clothed obviously) and in the bath, I was a bit f**king minging.

I went for a walk around, did some shopping, puked up in a bin and visited the Gestapo head quaters.

I flew home, and slept like a baby.

And that, is how I like to do a trip to Norway/Sweden.

 

[16Klappe]

Those two things don't go together!

You mean you were unable to slay a snow drift

I was totally slayed.

I was driving a 400bhp Subaru, a 340bhp M3 and a 911. Great.

Get into a 1.6 Ford Focus. ****ed.

I got no idea who that bloke is.

I'd love a go on a snow mobile though.

Petter Solberg, 2003 WRC champion, MASSIVE motorsport legend. 460 odd stage wins. And a really nice guy.

Snow mobiles are hard as ****. REALLY difficult to drive, you need to be so strong!

 

[s3dave]

Any hot tub frollics?

 

[16Klappe]

Any hot tub frollics?

No.

But Petters wife Pernilla is immense.

 

[coatesy]

so f*ck....







iv got a job interview on friday at 2pm ! get in!

 

[crazy88]

Good luck scroatsy

 

[CHEZ]

Good luck alexanderererereer mate! Keep it real, and dont swear or wear a silly T shirt for interview! 😐

 

[CHEZ]

Oops! Too late, belated good luck anywho matey 👍

 

[crazy88]

Why is it too late? His interview isn't for 2 days!

 

[ScottD3]

I think Chez has been drinking again and forgot what day it is.

Chez!! Its 2014, January. HOW ARE YOU?!?!!?



Got home last night and it stopped raining, so I thought it would be a perfect time to tidy up the garden, sort my sheds out, put the alloys somewhere and store the roof box.
Alloys put away, sheds put somewhere better than the path but I can't move in my garage now. its 100% full up. I can open the door, step in side and that's it.
I might have a go at sorting the garage out tonight so I can at least get to my tools but there is so many cbowebs and spiders. I hate spider and their cobwebs. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it.
Anyone want to come and de-spiderweb my garage?

I have sorted out how I'm going to store my 7 foot 2 inch roof box.
I'm making a hoist system for the garage and its going on the roof.
Thanks to this little app.
Pulley Simulation

 

[s3dave]

let us know if the pulley system works Dr. Robotnik...

 

[ScottD3]

The'll be a video of working or failing. lol

I do need to collect some box section that I'm getting made for this contraption.

I need to find a breaking system to stop or slow the rope down, just in case something happens.