Thanks for the help. I noticed some peculiarities today. It's far from conclusive, but it seems that if I take off the cover panel and disconnect the switches on it (headlight switch, dimmer switch, headlight tilt switch and one integer button I don't know the function of) the bcm resets and everything works as it ought to. If I leave the ignition in the "on" position, everything will keep working for seemingly an endless amount of time. If I actually start the car, some functions of the bcm seem to "trip" after a consistent repeatable interval of 6-7 seconds. I haven't got an exhaustive list of which functions I lose, but it seems it's the indicators (hazards still work), wipers, steering wheel radio controls, hi/low beam (headlights still work). If I turn the car off and wait a few seconds, it resets and all will work again forever if in on position or trip again if car is started after 6-7 seconds. This is all with the cover panel switches not connected
An oddity is that the cover panel switches seem to have some effect on it. If they're connected and the bcm trips, it won't ever reset no matter how many times you turn it off/on, or how long you wait. You need to disconnect those switches to get a reset. But they don't cause the trip by themselves, if you disconnect them and reset then reconnect them, everything will work forever in on position or for 6-7 seconds in run.
I removed the bcm and inspected it, no obvious corrosion or any signs of burnt/shorted circuits but removed and sprayed all the connecters and relays with contact cleaner and then blew it all out with compressed air before reassembling. No difference, same story as before.
I'm guessing i need to either fork out for the diagnostic software and learn how to use it (painful, I'm planning on flipping this car once it sorted), or find someone near me who has it already. Audi dealer will absolutely rape me if I go in there so that seems not the way to go. A bit hesitant to fork out the $$$ for a used bcm if that's not the issue.
To complicate matters slightly further, the seller said the car was working well, but was in storage a long time. She then had a dealer come out to inspect with an auto electrician and test the car and she said it seemed to develop a lot of issues after they came and that they offered her a ridiculously low price as a result of it. Not out of the question that the dealer was unscrupulous and had the auto tech do something to the bcm to cause the issues?